Noggin. Seriously?

November 19, 2008

Yes, it’s a real show. Yes, my child begs to watch it. Yes, it was nominated for a Daytime Emmy.

I so miss Mr. Rogers right now.

Dear Maternal Mall Walkers of Columbiana,

I am writing this letter in hopes that it will educate you and help you gain perspective. Please find below a small list of enjoyable mall activities.

*Shopping

*Eating

*Browsing

*Scarfing samples from Williams Sonoma

*Avoiding aggressive kiosk merchants

*People watching
 
Please note the following activities that might not be appropriate at a mall.

*Hurling your massive triple and quadruple SUV-sized strollers at me.

*Walking so intensely and at a pace so fast that you begin to sweat.

*Sweating.

*Pushing aside and putting the fear of God into small, elderly people in your path.
 
Please let me remind you that this is COLUMBIA and this morning it was a nice 50ish degrees outside. Take it to the streets with a jacket, ladies.

No one wants to see you take down Grandpa in front of Abercrombie.

Lands End (of the line!)

August 31, 2007

I have truly made it a goal of mine to not come to my blog to complain and whine about petty life irritations, but really, I have to cheat for a second.

What’s the problem, LANDS END? You have completely let me down and pissed me off! I have purposely waited until the second week of school to purchase a lunch box. I did this because I wanted to see how often my child would actually be taking a lunch. See, at the BIG school, he can either take a lunch or go through the line. When I was a wee lass, going through the line was not as cool as bringing a lunch from home, for only the lunches from home could contain things such as Candy Wax Bottles and Oatmeal Creme Pies. But at this BIG school, it is WAY cooler to go through the line. Perhaps it is because he can choose whatever he wants for lunch (with help from the teachers, of course) and the independence is too much to resist. It’s either that or the Chocolate Milk on Fridays. Who knows?

What I do know is that I was so cheery this afternoon when I got the newest Lands End Kids catalog in my mailbox. I mean, perfect timing, right? Keep in mind that I REALLY want the Lands End lunch box because only THEY have the CleanSweep. And we all know that the CleanSweep is the Mercedes of lunch boxes, now don’t we? (-5 cool points)

Off I went to the online store to pick out a good color to coordinate with his backpack – and you know what – let’s even get crazy with the MONOGRAM, bitches!

Imagine my shock when I hit the “Continue to Shopping Cart” button and I get this evil message:

We’re sorry. The item you’ve selected, CleanSweep Solid ClassMate Lunch Box , color True Navy, is no longer available and cannot be added to your bag or backordered.

Uh, wha? Surely this is a mistake. Or maybe True Navy is just crazy popular? I was irritated, but hey – I’m a flexible gal. Let’s try this again. We can do Cobalt. And plus, that monogram is just TOO cute! (-3 more cool points)

We’re sorry. The item you’ve selected, CleanSweep Solid ClassMate Lunch Box , color Cobalt, is no longer available and cannot be added to your bag or backordered.

At this point, I’m livid. I mean, really. It’s more than annoying – it’s irresponsible as a company to send out a catalog showcasing its “new! packs and lunch boxes! p.110” when what it should say is “new! a few packs and a couple of lunch boxes that are in colors that suck – maybe. p. 110”

So, I calmly and nicely contacted the online chat customer service to voice my frustration. She, of course, said that she was sorry and would pass along my comments.

Whatever. I’d rather have a lunch box.