An Open Letter to the Columbiana Mom Mall Walkers Association -or- The Stroller Derby

March 12, 2008

Dear Maternal Mall Walkers of Columbiana,

I am writing this letter in hopes that it will educate you and help you gain perspective. Please find below a small list of enjoyable mall activities.

*Shopping

*Eating

*Browsing

*Scarfing samples from Williams Sonoma

*Avoiding aggressive kiosk merchants

*People watching
 
Please note the following activities that might not be appropriate at a mall.

*Hurling your massive triple and quadruple SUV-sized strollers at me.

*Walking so intensely and at a pace so fast that you begin to sweat.

*Sweating.

*Pushing aside and putting the fear of God into small, elderly people in your path.
 
Please let me remind you that this is COLUMBIA and this morning it was a nice 50ish degrees outside. Take it to the streets with a jacket, ladies.

No one wants to see you take down Grandpa in front of Abercrombie.

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